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| It takes an average of between 9 months and 5 years to complete a separation. Parents can influence these timings with…
NEGOTIATION – to make progress SUPPORT – to feel understood RESPECT – of self and others |
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Consider yourself first Be honest and gentle with yourself What are your strengths? Where are your best supports? *** How do you cope with stress? What could increase your capacity to cope both practically and emotionally? *** How are your thinking patterns? Try to remember thoughts are NOT facts *** How are your personal boundaries? Do you give yourself time to consider and decide, or do you feel pressured to fit in? |
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| All feelings are contagious… both positive and negative. Be aware of emotional – overflow from others.
***** Non – verbal communication is very important. Body language can make a huge difference to situations. |
About 70% of all arguments are repeats. Is there anything you can do to help reduce this cycle?
***** Recognising patterns of recurring triggers, timings and language can help. |
Separation does not happen in a vacuum. Try to flourish as an individual by taking time to nurture your own choices of healthy activities, friendships, routines and pleasures. |
Strong emotions add righteousness to arguments which often makes them feel much more painful.
***** Trust your own insights and instincts to avoid unnecessary involvement in others’ dramas. |
We are here to support, listen or advise anytime. Contact us Monday to Thursday 9am to 9pm. Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 9am to 1pm.
| There are generally three types of reconstructed parenting arrangement: | ||
| Co-operative Co-parenting | Parallel Co-parenting | Conflictual Co-parenting |
| Ideally many separated parents work very well together. They communicate respectfully, can manage arrangements flexibly, are mutually supportive and create an expanded sense of ‘home’ for their family. | In more complicated situations, conflict can be reduced by parents agreeing to limit their communication. They abide by firm arrangements and accept each other’s individual parenting style. | Sometimes difficult and unresolved circumstances result in relentless conflict. This usually involves ongoing court hearings along with heightened levels of stress and family disruption. |
 Remember be gentle with yourself. No matter what your individual circumstances, you are doing the very best you can for your family. That is enough. |
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 Children constantly absorb more than we think and can feel very confused. It is important whenever possible, to answer any child’s question with age- appropriate honesty. Avoiding a query or simply reassuring, can leave children feeling isolated. |
Children can very easily blame themselves if they do not understand what is going on. Where possible and appropriate, aim to keep children informed. Discussing options and valuing their opinions will ensure they feel less helpless. |
Older children and teens are just as vulnerable; becoming withdrawn, or defiant and acting out, is often their way of coping. Try hard not to take this personally. They are feeling safe enough to express their feelings and need your support. |
| Children are very sensitive to ‘convert conflict’ eg. silences, tensions and passive- aggression. They can also internalise any criticism of a parent as criticism of 1/2 of themselves. Try to avoid this and prevent their sense of loss and failure developing into long term harm. | Children can really benefit if they have a trusted 3rd party to confide in such as teacher, granny….  |
Try to ensure special safe space is always available for children to be children. Make time for love, play fun, curiosity and adventurers. |
We are here to support, listen or advise anytime. Contact us Monday to Thursday 9am to 9pm. Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 9am to 1pm.