Children can pester you by repeatedly asking for things or ignoring you when you say no. It’s normal for children to do this and have tantrums if they don’t get what they want — but it can be hard not to give in to the pestering.
Be prepared
As children grow up, they’ll get better at tolerating disappointment and frustration. It’s a hard skill to learn, and it takes time, but there’s lots you can do to help them get there.
One thing you can try is having a conversation, before you go out shopping, about what you will and won’t be buying. This means you can say no to things you don’t want to buy in a more relaxed situation, with the time you need to explain why you’re not buying something. Also, if they get upset you can deal with it at home, where you’ll have more privacy.
Another benefit of doing this is that it gives your child a chance to prepare themselves in advance for feeling disappointed. This should mean that they won’t feel so overwhelmed by strong emotions when you say no to something they want at the shops.
What to say to your child
We all give in to pestering now and then, and this doesn’t do any harm. But you’ve probably also noticed that the more you give in, the more you get pestered. The key to reducing pestering is to have a few strategies you can use when you need them.
If there’s something they’re desperate to have and you’ve already explained why you’re not buying it, you can try:
- Suggesting they could do paid chores to help them save up quicker.
- Adding it to a birthday list (you can go through the list with them closer to the time if it gets too long).
- Offering them a reward if they can give up the thing they’re asking you for. The reward can be something simple that isn’t going to cost extra. For example, you could let them choose which treat you’re going to buy.
- Explaining that they can use their pocket money to save up for it – you could even write it down on a list to make it feel more real.
Sticker game
Teaching your child the difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ helps them understand why you don’t buy everything they ask for. This simple game shows your children which of the things you buy are needs and which are wants:
- Give your children two colours of stickers — one for ‘wants’ and one for ‘needs’.
- Ask them to go around the home and put stickers on things that are ‘wants’ and things that are ‘needs’.
- When they’ve finished, ask them to tell you about the decisions they’ve made. This is a good opportunity to talk about which things you think are essential items and which are treats.